lost and found.

i have just come through a season in life when, for me, all hope was lost. not lost in an eternal sense of the word. more like "where'd i put my keys" lost. as in you know they are probably not too far away, you are sure of their imminent return, and yet they elude you in a way which lends you to maddening frenzy. this is the kind of lost my hope was.

to me,
my voices had become louder than His voice.
my disappointment had become greater than his mercies.
my emptiness had become greater than anything could fill.
my place was more lost than any map could unravel.
my hope
was lost.

poems, prayers and laments of sadness and grief went up from my soul and seemed to bounce back at me from some empty void. "you are alone," everything seemed to say.
"so alone."
"alone as death."
by the time a year of sadness led me to these words, i was weak with weariness and exhaustion. "i need help" was all i could say. i couldn't do It anymore. not even sure what It was, just sure i couldn't do It alone.
"i need help...
please...
...help me.
save me from this place - i am so lost."

i remember the night i woke from sleep in grief and pain, and as i crumpled to the floor i called out to my God - and he answered from right beside me. Presence. close Presence. filling, pervading, comforting, all-i-need Presence.

I AM
your help. He said.
my Word is life to you.
my Hope is much greater than your disappointment.
I AM Restoration to all that you mourn.
i will set your feet back on the ground and lead you to Life.
my hope
is found!

He has been speaking to my heart ever since that night, reminding me of his Sovereignty, restoring my peace, showing me his great heart and how he longs for me to leave my laments and join his pursuits. "In your lament is aching emptiness," he reminds me, "your laments are based on lies. The truth is that I am working - working to bring Glory to God, to bring healing to people - the truth is that I long for you to leave your empty lament and join me in my fulfilling work. This is how you lose your life of lament and gain the life I have for you."

Praise be to the God who lifts us from the pit! Praise be to the God who frees us from the strongholds of sin and death! Praise be to the God who is near, who restores life, and who walks with us in the Valley of the Shadow of Death!

As i am made aware, yet again, of how i am saved by my Savior's hand from the clutches of sin and death, i am overwhelmed with joyful gratitude. What he has done for us! oh, that i would join Jesus in bringing glory to our Great God and proclaiming his salvation and his gift of life!

"As for me, I will always have hope;
I will praise you more and more.
My mouth will tell of your righteousness, of your salvation all day long,
though I know not its measure.
I will come and proclaim your mighty acts, O Sovereign LORD;
I will proclaim your righteousness, yours alone."
{psalm 71:14-16}