freedom friend.

the wind is whipping wild tonight
and my heart, inside, does the same.

to see a friend's soul leave here for There...
what a horrible, beautiful thing.  full of sorrow.  full of joy.
with all the years of suffering this friend has endured, the thought of her in the Father's arms is sweet.

can she hear the wind tonight, in all it's whipping around?

did she see that moon all glowing full and large as it came up?

or is she now removed from every corner and care of earth's experience as she basks in her New Place?

did our Father swing her around in circles when they met?
did they both laugh?  oh, that i could hear them.

can she even believe her new life?

how i miss them both!
the sureness of her leaving here and joining Jesus makes me miss her, yes.
but quickly i realize that i really miss them both!
i miss their party.
i long for the reality that they are living in...
and why shouldn't i?

it is my home, too.
all at once, i am feeling quite the stranger here.
and it is a good reminder, for that is what i am.

so, i sift through all the intangibles she's left to me...
her faith,
her courage,
her joy,
her humor,
her art...
and i run my fingers over the last note she wrote me,
and i thank my Father for the gift of borrowed soul.

and as the wind still whips wild on my hill
and in my heart,
i whisper praises for the hope of forever life with him
and ask for the grace and courage for my own remaining days.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

mourning tears
have no place long
when to heav'n sure the soul has flown.

for turn, they must
to tears of joy
when we know the fullness of mercy shown.

this soul flies free
from toil and pain
and need never more utter sob nor sigh

for Gentle Shepherd, He,
has called her name,
stretched out his arm and drawn her nigh.

and whole
and healed
by his side in his glory
she is reaping her joyful songs,

while her sown seeds remain;
her faithful praise
shall encourage us all along.

dee dee, take a picture of just my skates...

so, my sweet little Larissa Moo Poo got some pretty nifty hot pink roller skates at the thrift store.

her first pair of roller skates, mind you.

and?  fortunately for her, the bryes' house is mostly hard wood flooring - (aka, indoor roller rink). 

the first time i came over after The Skate Purchase, she came wheeling out of her bedroom (all dressed in her silk owl jammies), showing me her moves... showing off these awesome skates. 

and they were awesome.

i was so impressed, that i got out my camera to capture the new roller derby princess... and she was thrilled!

she posed.

and then, pretty immediately, she hiked up those cute owl jammies, stuck her pudgy knees in front of the camera, and said, "oh, here, DeeDee, you probably want to get a picture of just the skates..."

i dutifully obliged, and chuckled to myself...

of course i don't want a picture of just the skates!  she's the cutest kid in the world* (*statement is true to author, though views of reader may not be reflected here), she's my Lissy Moo Poo, my artsy, creative, funny, full-of-life small friend with new pink roller skates.  sure, i think the skates are swell.  but they're only swell to me because they are currently being wheeled around in by this afore-mentioned adorable small friend.

while she was obviously stricken with adoration for her new skates, her assumption that i would want in my photo album at home a picture of only her new skates was silly to me!  it's her i love!  not her little skates!

and as i chuckled, i kind of felt God tapping me on the shoulder... saying that sometimes it's funny how i do the same thing in my grown-up world.

huh?

i acquire some thing, or accomplish some achievement, or do some great act of service... and i stand before my Father, God, and say "you probably want a picture of just this..."

and he chuckles, and wishes i would really know...

really know how he really loves just me.

and oh, how he loves just me!

the way i love just that Lissy Moo Poo... and so much more! (imagine that!)

and, as great as the "skates" might possibly be in my life, my Father is really supremely interested in me... and my relationship of love and life with him.

and that's what i want to be supremely interested in, too.

lost and found.

i have just come through a season in life when, for me, all hope was lost. not lost in an eternal sense of the word. more like "where'd i put my keys" lost. as in you know they are probably not too far away, you are sure of their imminent return, and yet they elude you in a way which lends you to maddening frenzy. this is the kind of lost my hope was.

to me,
my voices had become louder than His voice.
my disappointment had become greater than his mercies.
my emptiness had become greater than anything could fill.
my place was more lost than any map could unravel.
my hope
was lost.

poems, prayers and laments of sadness and grief went up from my soul and seemed to bounce back at me from some empty void. "you are alone," everything seemed to say.
"so alone."
"alone as death."
by the time a year of sadness led me to these words, i was weak with weariness and exhaustion. "i need help" was all i could say. i couldn't do It anymore. not even sure what It was, just sure i couldn't do It alone.
"i need help...
please...
...help me.
save me from this place - i am so lost."

i remember the night i woke from sleep in grief and pain, and as i crumpled to the floor i called out to my God - and he answered from right beside me. Presence. close Presence. filling, pervading, comforting, all-i-need Presence.

I AM
your help. He said.
my Word is life to you.
my Hope is much greater than your disappointment.
I AM Restoration to all that you mourn.
i will set your feet back on the ground and lead you to Life.
my hope
is found!

He has been speaking to my heart ever since that night, reminding me of his Sovereignty, restoring my peace, showing me his great heart and how he longs for me to leave my laments and join his pursuits. "In your lament is aching emptiness," he reminds me, "your laments are based on lies. The truth is that I am working - working to bring Glory to God, to bring healing to people - the truth is that I long for you to leave your empty lament and join me in my fulfilling work. This is how you lose your life of lament and gain the life I have for you."

Praise be to the God who lifts us from the pit! Praise be to the God who frees us from the strongholds of sin and death! Praise be to the God who is near, who restores life, and who walks with us in the Valley of the Shadow of Death!

As i am made aware, yet again, of how i am saved by my Savior's hand from the clutches of sin and death, i am overwhelmed with joyful gratitude. What he has done for us! oh, that i would join Jesus in bringing glory to our Great God and proclaiming his salvation and his gift of life!

"As for me, I will always have hope;
I will praise you more and more.
My mouth will tell of your righteousness, of your salvation all day long,
though I know not its measure.
I will come and proclaim your mighty acts, O Sovereign LORD;
I will proclaim your righteousness, yours alone."
{psalm 71:14-16}